01 March 2016

Open Letter to my soon to be born son

(your goddess of a mother and you in her belly w/ glorious Mt Shasta in the background)

First and foremost, I feel compelled to get this out there right from the get-go, just so it is absolutely crystal clear you understand this important bit of truth, I love you, son. There will never be a time in your life when that is untrue. I mean it son, no matter what may ever happen, no matter what you may or may not do, I love you. I love you and I accept you for the person you are, regardless of whoever that person you are grows up to be (hopefully you don’t turn out to be a complete asshole though, because that would kinda suck). Sincerely though my son, I will always be there for you. No matter what.

So, if all goes "according to plan", you are going to be born in the next couple weeks here, really it could be any day at this point. The truth is, I meant to sit down and write this to you months ago, But that is a part of this letter I suppose, giving you a glimpse of how your father operates in this world. It’s not that I’m a total procrastinator but sometimes it takes great effort to stay focused and follow through with whatever task it is at hand. That’s just one aspect of me though and by no means is it a defining trait. This letter is partly a way to give you an idea of not only who your father is, as a friend, son, father, lover, employee, boss, or whatever, but also to give you a heads up as to what this beautiful, often crazy, outrageous and absolutely confusing world you've decided to come into is all about (from one humble and admittedly limited perspective).

I did set an intention in my mind to write this to you months ago, though. I had a good feeling that I'd get it done before you were born but, as you'll likely find out as you get older, your old man is a dreamer and sets out to do all sorts of shit and maybe half the time it actually comes to fruition. Sometimes I repeat myself, too. And often I say in 50 words what could be said in 5. It's a part of my journey and I suppose because of that, it is going to be a part of yours as well. The goal here though is, that by the time you’re old enough to formulate some complex thoughts and observations about where you are and what you have in this world, at the very least, you'll be able to see that you have parents who (as weird and ridiculous as they are) have succeeded in providing a good, wholesome life for you. That's really all I wish and pray for when it comes right down to it.

I imagine at this point in my life, there's a nice big and wide spectrum of opinions (and I'm sure a fair amount of judgements) about who the man you call dad is in this world. I'm a “good guy” to some, a “bad guy” to others, and to others I’m somewhere in between. The truth is, I've devoted myself to being as good of a person as I can be in this here reality. My life's ambition is to always be a generous, thoughtful, kind, helpful, hardworking, compassionate, human being. I simply desire to create as much peace and harmony in this world as I can, and yet I - just like everyone else alive - can be an inconsiderate asshole sometimes, too. And of course, there's this important point, that being that I'm also a big damn optimistic fool with coyote/trickster tendencies. To be sure, I'm on the fool's journey, the hero is also on the same path of course, and I'm certain at different points down this road I travel I may even be confused as the character playing the role of that guy as well. The hell if I know what is actually going on around here though (I'm just doing the best I can like everyone else). But that is also a part of the reason I write this to you, to be able to understand myself and share with you what sense I’ve made of this crazy ass thing we call life. Anyone though who claims to have any of it figured out - at all - is full of shit by the way.

So here's the scoop. At this point in time, your mother and I have a reasonably small amount of debt (which is actually amazing considering most people in the U.S of A are victims of pretty much what amounts to debt slavery or some twisted form of indentured servitude). You have no concept of what debt is just yet and that is a good thing...  I've worked over 30 different actual "jobs" in my short life and I still haven't exactly figured out what is going to consistently pay the bills. Admittedly, I am what you'd call an "artist" and I've chosen to boldly, foolishly (stupidly?) attempt to make a living doing something that I both love doing, and am proud of as well. What I am not is a good business man though. That basically means I’ve spent the last 15 years or so throwing shit at the wall - while most of that time primarily working in the restaurant/service industry to earn an income - and so far, having little of it stick. Needless to say, I have yet to succeed in making a living out of my artistic passions just yet.

So, at this moment I'm presently also doing manual labor building garden beds for organic gardening with a bit of landscaping in the mix, too. You bet your ass I’m still throwing shit at the wall though son! Thankfully, I'm loving this work and it does bring a level of satisfaction into my life that I am pleased with. It's good, honest work and growing food is something I've always been in to. You’re mother and I also rent out our little back house and have a modest income from that as well. The reason I say this here and now is because there's probably a fair amount of people out there who don't have a clue what I do with my life (or what I'm doing with my life), as far as how I provide for my family and earn an income and I'm willing to bet there are plenty of opinions about that (and judgements of course), too. The artist part of me is not so easy to describe but in short, I love to take pictures, write, draw, make videos, tell stories, make fabric art, make folk herbal medicine potions, paint, and, create using any medium I find suitable in the whim of the moment. I've attempted to make a few of these artistic passions into a career and so far, none have proven to pay the bills regularly and so, until they do, I persist in working the grind (and seeing if I can get more of this shit to stick)...

Did I mention I love you? Because, ultimately, that is why I am sitting in front of this computer writing these words right now. I wanted to at the very least, leave you with some words to reflect on (if you feel so inclined) about your father, knowing that they were written specifically to be read by you. There's no guarantees in this life (except death) and I may not be around to tell you all this one day and so I am taking this opportunity now to express these thoughts and feelings with you, my son. Yeah, it's true I'm going to share them publicly, well before you are able to read them. The thing about that is, as a partially “self aware” fool, I have hopes that these words can reach other eyes and hearts and who knows, maybe even be seen far and wide in one of those crazy viral posts that just spreads like wild fire (I've always wanted to create something that would do that!). It probably won't but it would be cool if it did... I imagine plenty of people can relate to what I'm writing here. For real though, son, these words are meant for you. This message is directed at you. I love you and this is my attempt to express that as coherently as I can while also doing my best to give you an idea of how your father views this world, this reality, and how he interacts with it and try's fool-heartedly to make any sort of damn sense out of it all. We're - all of us - just making this all up as we go after all, now that I'm the "grown-up" I'm in that position to pretend even harder like I have any clue what to do next. Also, while I will have read through this a few times and edited it to the best of my limited ability, the truth is, my writing skills are only so-so and so, I thank you for compassionately sticking with me as I jumble together the next few thousand words...

So, let's start with the facts. I'm now 34 years old as I write these words. Your mother, your sweet, lovely, kind, creative, passionate dear goddess of a mother, is 42. We live in Portland, Oregon. I was once married to another woman and have a daughter who is now going to be your sister, she’s almost 8 and she is one of the greatest things that has ever happened to me in this life. Her mother and I were young and damn foolish and while our marriage didn't end up working out there was plenty of love that brought your sister into this world and I don't regret that for a second. And more importantly, that relationship helped me to learn how to be a better partner and husband now, many lessons were learned and I apply all of them to my relationship with your mom. I am grateful that her and I are so close and are both invested in each other and are also taking care of and loving ourselves as well (which is hugely important to everything we do in this life). I’ve learned how to be a pretty decent father and have had nearly 8 years of mistakes and lessons learned through trial and error that are going to be to your advantage this time around. I think you’re really going to dig your sister, too. She’s awesome.

If all goes well, in a couple weeks here (or at any moment) you are going to literally come into this world out of your mother's womb and join us in this very house where I write these words.  Your mom and I are presently in the midst of attempting to create and self-publish a children's storybook called Honey for a Song, it has a sweet sing along song, too. It's adorable. Your mother is needle felting the images for the book and they are incredible. She's so damn talented that mother of yours... Anyways, we live in this cozy, quaint house and may live here for another many years though if we have our way and our dreams become our reality down the road, we're going to live on our own land where we own and operate a hot springs resort, with a goal for it to eventually be completely “off grid” and self sufficient and we intend to spend the rest of our days living on that land. If we can pull this shit off, son, it's going to be so amazing. Oh, and if you haven't gathered it by now I'll go ahead and point out that I like to use swear words from time to time. I add that because, some people are offended by them but honestly, for me they are a welcome addition to the english language, primarily used for emphasis by me and also, I just find them enjoyable to use. I do keep them to a bare minimum in front of the little ones though. With that said, my favorite declaration for 15 plus years now has been “Fuck yeah!”.

Anyways, the thing about this reality for me is, I do my best to remember it is a duality we're dealing with here and each of us lives a life filled with contradictions (and to some degree, we all are dealing with some level of hypocrisy in our own lives, too). There is good and there is bad and while that can get out of alignment and seem unbalanced, the truth is, if we live in a paradigm where there is duality, life will always be filled with ups and downs, light and dark, and good and bad and that's just that. There's a whole lot out there in the world that, if you look at it closely, would lead one to believe that the endt times are near. Though, with a slightly different perspective, there's a way to see (and believe) that things still might just turn out alright. Maybe...

Well, there's just a few other things I'd like to "get off my chest" as they say before I wrap this up. The first big thing is, this world is pretty fucked right now. I have no intentions of sugar coating it for you. I mean, there may be hope for us humans and this world as it goes, but at present, the direction we're heading and the momentum with which we're heading there, well, let's just say the wheels are likely going to fall off at any point now and the floor is going to collapse beneath our collective feet. Shit's fucked up, son. Politics in general are as corrupt as ever, there are wars that are raging all over the world, natural resources - the staples of our very survival - are being diminished faster than we can even begin to start replenishing them, there's hatred in the hearts of so many people right now that I just am not sure how their hatred isn't going to poison and destroy us all. Racism is as strong and ugly as ever, sexism is a horrendous part of our "civilizations" reality. There are religious wars being fought all over the place, too. We've got a rigged economy and an unequal financial system that is so appalling that to actually take it in and realize what is happening might make you literally sick (and should make you mad as hell). Save for a tiny few of us, we really are the 99%, the 99% getting fucked that is... Sure, there's some sort of glimmer of hope that it will all change and get better but at this rate, I guess I just apologize for the fact that you have to witness it yourself and try and make sense of it all as you come of age. It doesn't make sense to me of course and on top of that, I'm terribly sorry you have to witness and experience it and I'm super embarrassed it still exists on any level, too, son. I really am. As I write these very words there is a man running for president of the United States of America, a front runner for the position - that millions of people support mind you - who is a reality television star (among other things) who is openly both racist and sexist and on top of that, is filled with hate and rage and is an extreme advocate for the perpetuation of war so, I guess that gives you a good example of just how bad things have gotten around these parts. I'm admittedly an idealist though and with that said, there is a growing glimmer of hope if you happen to feel the Bern...

Then there's the atrocious shit like the fact that the International Monetary Fund and the World Bank are loaning money to third world countries as a way to force them to open up their markets and resources for looting by us here in America (and other big nations). I've also just been reading about how central banks are intentionally impoverishing their host countries to justify economic and legal changes which allow looting by foreign interests, as well. People getting fucked every which way, son. Basically, from where I sit, it would appear that there are a number of wealthy and powerful people and groups in the world today that specifically (and solely) have their own interests in mind and mainly those interests are to be more wealthy, have more power, and control the masses, and not in a benevolent - we know what's best for you so we'll take care of you - kind of way but instead in a despicable - we know what's best for us so we'll "take care" of you - kind of way. These folks could give two shits about the next seven generations. And because of this the global economy and its house of cards is ready to topple at any moment here, it almost happened in 2008 but I’m pretty sure it actually is going to happen sooner rather than later. As I’ve said before son, shit is pretty fucked up right now.

The healthcare system here in America is just awful, too. There’s been efforts to improve it lately (Obamacare is a pretty good example) but overall it’s still all sorts of fucked up. We’re in the midst of dealing with a couple of “headaches” ourselves in regards to your birth and also dealing with our dear cat Maximoose, too. It’s financially nearly crippling for us and quite frankly it's terrifying. It has caused so much hardship and stress in our lives that I do not wish for anyone to ever have to experience anything like it. And of course, unfortunately it is happening to people all over the place as I write these words (often with much worse circumstances than ours, too. We're “lucky” we just “qualified” for more credit/debt…). I could get more into detail with this but I’ll leave it at healthcare in the country we currently live in (while seemingly getting better)  is still absolutely fucking terrible. It has ruined millions of people’s lives and has added to the horrible business of debt and indentured servitude I’ve mentioned above. It’s so fucking gross. I feel compelled to add here that I've typically been a fairly happy-go-lucky kinda guy who almost tried to will the shitty shit in this world out of existence, pretending that it doesn't exist even but that is not the guy (your father) who is writing this now. This is as cynical and pessimistic as I have ever been about the state of this reality. It's quite an exercise in being more realistic, more angry, and less idealistic I suppose, but I digress...

There are also military forces committing mass genocide right now in different parts of the world that is amounting to millions and millions of people dying every year. That’s right. Right now, as I write these words that is happening. This summer when your mother and I were traveling through Europe on our honeymoon (you were hardly much more than a zygote then), Syrian refugees were on the trains we were riding, fleeing their war torn country. This is a part of our reality right now, son. It's fucking appalling and it is taking place in different parts of the world, every single day. There are homeless people everywhere, human beings, our species, a part of our greater collective family, that live without shelter, without access to clean water, food, clothes, and basic resources and this exists in every corner of the world and so far, son, we the people have not gathered together and ended this in our world. I'd like to be able to explain why that is to you, but so far, I still have no good answer to give. The military budget of the United States of America alone could eradicate homelessness and poverty world wide, I'm pretty sure in one single year if it were to re-direct those funds that it currently has being pumped into machines of death and destruction and training humans to be agents of death and destruction as well. There seems to be little to no chance of that happening though, it's not even a part of the collectives narrative at this point in time. As I’ve been saying son, shit is pretty fucked up right now.

Our environment, the ecosystem of our world is all sorts of fucked up, too. The whole entire planet is rapidly rising in temperature and while that may not be entirely a direct cause of humanity's destructive ways, we're certainly giving it a go to encourage it to get worse before it gets better. We’re blowing the tops off of mountains, fracking deep into the earth, pumping chemical cocktails into it to extract oil and natural gas, and raping, pillaging, and plundering the natural resources of our world with a reckless abandon. The water has been systematically poisoned and when not being poisoned, bottled and sold instead of it being a free birthright of every single living organism on the planet, no, in this world, we have to pay for water! The air and soil are filled with pollutants, toxins, poisons, heavy metals, and things that do absolutely no good to all the important living aspects of our world (Symbiosis be damned!). Just days ago we here in Portland learned that our air has been filled with cadmium and arsenic and other heavy metals that came from a couple glass factories that have been emitting them for decades now into our precious clean air and apparently this was known by environmental agencies for years and years and years and nothing has been done about it and the public went on un-aware. It’s just now being publicly addressed.  I know, explain that, right? I think there is about to be a state of emergency declared over this actually.

I’d like to say ignorance is bliss about all of this but...

There are parts of the ocean right now that are filled with entire island sized piles of trash, plastic and junk is just swirling around destroying ocean life and diminishing the diversity of life on the planet. This is happening all throughout the animal kingdom on land and sea and can be linked to humans and our negligent and destructive ways. This extinction rate is on level with and is happening as rapidly as any of the previous known mass-extinction periods that have occurred in our Earth’s history, and we’re responsible for it.

And yes, son, make no mistake,  we humans, your fellow man, we are the direct cause of so much of this horrible reality that I've just illuminated here. It is us (you and me included) waking, living, breathing human animals in this world that are a huge part of the problem. I think for the most part - here in America at least - most people have been lulled into complacency and gotten comfortable with the level of repetitive mediocrity that allows us to collectively just let this all happen right in front of our eyes. The bread and circus of today is just good enough of a distraction for most people to not feel it necessary to change a thing. It's not pretty is it? The prospects aren't that good are they? Aren't you glad you've decided to join the party, son?

Sincerely though, there is the other side of the spectrum that I'm going to go ahead and look at here a little more closely and ideally, leave you with a slightly better taste in your mouth. Now, we've established pretty well that shit is pretty fucked up, right? That is abundantly clear I would even say. I hardly scratched the surface on why it is so fucked up but I've laid enough of it out for you to get the picture. There is good news, too though. Peace, consciousness, mindfulness, compassion, and harmony are getting some time in the spotlight. Life expectancy overall seems to be going steadily up. Technology has lead us to a point where we are so connected that one's thoughts can now literally travel nearly instantaneously all around the world if one so chooses to share them, the implications of that are nearly beyond comprehension. Before this was available to the average person the Mainstream Media was basically the only source of information available to the masses and they only shared a narrow, controlled perspective of fear and worry that fueled individuals desperation and feelings of unimportance, but now individuals can share positive stories (and the horrible ones that are hidden from the light) which reveal truths that help spread this knowledge far and wide helping to break down those walls of basically an intentional ignorance, an ignorance that systematically fuels and perpetuates the said complacency and passivity that rules so many. This "awakening" process is proper paradigm shifting business right here!

There have also been exciting advancements in solar technologies and other "green" renewable energy sources and now the energy harvesting and storage of these systems is to a point where it is replacing fossil fuels entirely in some countries and parts of the world. Also, we're getting closer and closer to a point where space travel can actually, truly be a viable part of our future (I know it still may not happen in our lifetimes but I'm an eternal optimist and not-so-secret sci-fi nerd!), while the bigger benefits of that might not be realized in my lifetime it is still pretty awesome to consider what may come of it (unless of course the secret space program is real in which case this is already happening…) Travelling to other worlds as a way to save humanity might not be the answer but it’s still intriguing to think about. And while racism and sexism are rampant and are a systemic problem still in a lot of the world, because of technological advancements (and through them nearly instantaneous communications), we've collectively gotten angry enough and fed up enough with these being a part our reality that the masses are demanding things change, and indeed, the narrative is changing and these issues are seeing some improvement. Black Lives Matter is a great example of this. The power of information is now pretty much in the hands of everyone who's willing to look for it and share it.

And perhaps one of the greatest bits of good news I can share with you is that you have chosen to enter into a family with a mother and father who love and care for each other dearly and are brave and foolish enough to believe they can help tell a better story for today and for the future. There are many more people out there doing the same and as we continue to practice kindness, compassion, true forgiveness, and be examples of peace and love, this will spread and transform our lives and those around us, too. We also are absolutely blessed in that we have a network of friends and family who love us and are a part of a support system that you now fall into the fold of as well. Not everybody is fortunate to have this and we are so grateful for this. We also try and bring as much ceremony and healthy traditions into our lives as we can because, well shit, this life is fucking hard man! Ceremony helps bring us together in the present and gives us an opportunity to have a richer and better quality of life, in the moment. And of course, as I’ve mentioned above, I’m not perfect and by no means do I think that your mother and I are going to be able to be shining examples all the time of these ideals I’ve set forth as a part of the new story we’re attempting to tell, but I do believe that if we persist in living with peace and love in our hearts and with actions that reflect them, this will ripple out into the world at large and that is really all we can hope for. There are so many ways to live in this world, each of us has our own idea of what is “right” or “wrong” and “good” or “bad”, ultimately if we are as kind as we can be to each other and actually practice forgiveness (with ourselves and others), that is absolutely enough. It comes down to mindfulness and balance. We are all in this together no matter how you slice or dice it so compassion, true forgiveness, and respect for all living things is a huge personal act!

Yes, son, there are a many good things happening in this world that give one hope and a sense that maybe, just maybe, we've not fucked everything up beyond repair. Maybe...

One more thing, son. It's now the month of March in the year of 2016. I'm very glad I've sat down and written out these words for you. Truthfully, this is very important to me. You see, while I love my dad dearly, and indeed, I consider my childhood under his and my mother's care to be for the most part pretty great even (and that I thought I had one of the greatest dads of all time growing up), lately though (for basically my entire adult life), our relationship has become less than exemplary. I think after I reached a certain age, my early twenties I suppose, I made enough foolish choices, stupid mistakes, and enough brazen declarations to have lead my dad and I not to have a very good relationship. And let me tell you first hand, that fucking sucks. I'd like nothing more than to be close with my pops. I love him so much and it has been painful this past ten plus years or so to not have a close bond with him any longer. I accept him for who he is, we don't agree on everything but that doesn't stop me from loving him or make me want to deny him a relationship with me, for him though, this seems to be exactly the case. A conditional relationship is what we have at this point and I don't seem to meet his conditions. And I hope, wish, pray, and would do basically anything in the world to see to it that you and I stay close and have a wonderful relationship till my last breath. It is of course a two way street and I don't get to call the shots on whether or not you'll want that when you’re older. Maybe I'll do something so horribly bad in your eyes as to be forever unforgivable (a term I don't believe in). I sure hope that doesn't happen but I'm just a human being who's bound to fuck up a good number of times more in my life so who knows? Ideally that doesn't happen though, maybe they'll be a time when I embarrass the hell out of you, and you don't want to be caught dead in public with me and you know what son, that's just fine. As long as at the end of the day we still are tight and we have respect for one another and don't hold onto any shit that ends up getting in the way of us just loving each other, that's just fine with me. There's still hope for that with me and your grandpa too and I'll continue to be a foolish idealist and believe we will one day achieve that level of mutual respect, kindness, compassion, forgiveness and of course most importantly, acceptance of each other as well.

Okay, alright, here's the thing, son. It's just, I love you so much. You haven't even come into this world yet and I love you beyond comprehension. That first moment I hold you will be one of the greatest moments of my life. That is a fact. Your mother and I are going to do our best with you and as I wrap this up I also send out a huge, gigantic, blanket apology for all the times we fuck up, argue, embarrass you, get mad at you, and unfortunately, make you feel bad, during our lifetime. I assure you, that will never be our mindful intention. I can say that with certainty. Your mother and I are going to do everything in our power to make your life as safe, comfortable, loving, peaceful, and harmonious as we possibly can. It likely may not always be that way but dammit, that's what we're going to try to give you! There's a million books on parenting and everyone has their opinion on how one should best parent their child, and while I will read some of those books and listen to many of those opinions, I am always going to do my very best to treat you with love, kindness, compassion, and respect. That is my declaration to you with these words.

Okay, that’s all for now. I love you, son. I will cherish every second of my life that I get to share with you. I truly have no idea what the future may bring. All I can be certain of is that you will have my undying love and affection. I am more certain of this than nearly anything I've ever been certain of in all of my life.

31 August 2014

Russell Brand, I compliment the path you're walking. Thank you for the Trews, and all that you do.

The Trews.  Have you seen this yet? It is a webcast that Russell Brand has been creating for about 7 months now.  It's excellent.  He distills issues and current events in a way that I personally find very easy to relate to.  Whats more, he is utilizing an outlet system through YouTube that allows him to express his observations and illuminate subjects freely and for as short or long as he'd like.  It becomes very accessible this way and it is making waves in the greater main stream media reality to be sure. The above video is a recent episode and without even describing what is in it I encourage you to just take a look at it and here what he has to say.  If you're anything like me you'll then scroll through the archives and get dosed with some of his other comical and informative, eloquent rants.

Here's a description from his YouTube page:

This is my channel where we can together, unravel the matrix of modern media and reveal the gleaming reality beyond connecting us all to each other through pure consciousness. Or it's true news. Trews.
Before long we will dismantle traditional media, the machinery of capitalism and duplicitous pseudo democracy and realise humankind's true (trew) potential as spiritual beings that manifest our own physical destiny. Also I do voices. And sing my own theme tune. After The Revolution The Trews will be Fox News.
He is a crusader of peace and kindness.  His comical style can be intense and he cuts to the truth quick. If you spend some time researching the current events going on around the world and then take in his refreshing perspective I believe it will help produce a better perspective that you yourself can cultivate as you discern the mega influx of information, propaganda, nonsense, and truth that is getting blasted out there on the world wide web, television, radio, and certainly through social networks these days.  There is little fact checking on many news broadcasts these days and on social media platforms anyone can put together a visually convincing info graph or post that appears to be legitimate news.  The reality is it takes a bit of intuition and mindfulness to really sort out for yourself what is what and perhaps what is truth.  
Kudos to Russell Brand again for just doing what he's doing.  It is so awesome that he is just letting it out and calling all the bullshit out.  It is important as a lot of the bullshit is also fear mongering and out right detrimental to the overall narrative about how we as humans individually and collectively co-create this reality.  In some ways shit really has gotten out of hand and on the other side of that realization is that there are plenty of us out there "waking up" to the truth that peace and abundance, happiness and harmony, and general well being can be ours in any moment.  
I feel the most important part any of us can do is to acknowledge what is going on in the grander story of this world on all levels, the health of the plants, air, water, earth, and how we impact these natural resources as human beings.  There is also a very real world war that is unfolding before our eyes and it can be scary as hell to think about.  It may come to our front doors in more ways than one and maybe it won't too.  What we can do is take care of ourselves, our loved ones, our neighbors, the elders, the youth, and do our best to practice kindness, patience, respect, and love for all.  Forgiveness is paramount as well.  We, at the core are hurting ourselves the more we hold on to resentment and blame and non-forgiveness.  It is a gift to ourselves to surrender to love and accept that regardless of the person, people, governments, gangs, and so on that we may not agree with, as we individually and collectively come together in peaceful ways. The results of this can and will transform the detrimental forces that try to selfishly maintain all the power.  After all, we all have the power (especially when we come together).
Okay, I've ranted enough for the moment.  Russell, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for what you are doing.  I am encouraged and motivated by your actions and applaud you for those very things.  You are living by example and I approve of it.  Ideally I may also continue to do the same, better, and better every day.

30 August 2014

Draw. Sketch. Create. Do

The sketch/drawing above was immensely pleasurable to create. I wish to share it with you as I see this process being very therapeutic and I recommend you give it a try.  The tools used were simple.  A pencil and eraser, a compass, and some graph paper.  First I made a big circle and then decided to add four uniform diamonds inside with the plan to repeat that sequence 4 times kn total.

Here is step two of the diamond layers.  This whole design came originally from or rather was inspired by the sunflower and through that the Fibonacci sequence.  What was really fun and rewarding about this was I only had an idea in my head of how to create it and my goal was to be able to make this using stretch fabrics.  The diamond connected together in four layers seemed a good way to go.

  Here you can see the third layer of four diamonds has been added and the "blooming" of the sunflower is really taking shape.  Now there is only one layer of four diamonds to go.  The patterns becomes incredibly more complex with each layer which is such a neat consequence of adding these uniform layers of diamonds over each other.

After the fourth layer is added we arrive at this beautiful image.  Now I have the fun goal of translating this into a fabric sculpture.  Amazingly, as you now know from me breaking down the process above, this is simply 4 layers of 4 uniform diamonds for a total of 16 diamonds and an awesome "flower" pattern that has bloomed.  Over the coming days I'll be working on a fabric prototype.  I'll share the outcome here to be sure!


27 August 2014

Backyard bounty!

After being away from the house for a week it was such a delightful surprise to find a humongous heirloom tomato among the days backyard harvest.

It takes some energy, a bit of planning, a good location in the yard, and a desire to reap the benefits of gardening to actually make it happen.  With that said, the benefit and reward of harvesting foods from the land is just awesome.

This is just a quick shot out to all who invest their time in this wonderful (and therapeutic!) practice of tending the soil and growing a garden.  To those who have not tried it, I assure you it is well worth the effort to try one out.  You'd be surprised how determined some of these fruits and vegetables are to survive and often thrive.  

To be certain there are so many varied levels of gardening to explore. Permaculture, organic gardening, backyard chickens, bees, and the list goes on.  Giving yourself any opportunity to commune with nature and the elements is of benefit to you.  Please do go out and get your hands in the dirt.  Momma Earth thanks you.

~Mahalo Yo

10 November 2012

The Tower falls to be rebuilt from within...

              The Tower is a symbol of the universal principle of healing, renovation, and restoration.

This is NOW.  I am in the midst of a wonderfully marvelous process of being a self actualized human being.  Of course, this is the process we are all ever presently in but for this guy, this one right here writing these words well, I'm in it.  That tower above was the card I drew just now after coming back from an energy work session that was focused on my heart space and core.  You see, I've lived an incredibly awesome life in so many respects these past 31 years and now, as in, right NOW I find myself looking to be more whole and complete in my isness.  That is to say, I see that since birth likely I've been in this more or less constant journey to integrate my entire being so as to be more authentically, energetically present in this vessel we call a body.

I am as some may say a dreamer, many may acknowledge me as living life with my head in the clouds if you will.  There is something accurate in this assessment, spiritually speaking I've lived much of my life more connected to the ethereal realms rather than the physical.  I've not intentionally lived this way mind you, it is not as if my whole life I've been seeking to be spiritual.  It seems to me almost to be the opposite.  I have since I was a youngster often felt rather out of place in this world and it has confused and confounded me all the way up to the present.  It has been through accidental or intentional interaction with divine sources that I've been most at ease here in this existence.

What I am attempting to express or gain clarity on is the concept that I have truly lived my life as a spiritual being having a human experience and only so very recently have I been in a space within myself where I earnestly wish to integrate the two and live and broadcast an integrated experience purely and awesomely through a heart centered core.  My brain is smart, very intelligent indeed.  I am quite capable of formulating great and complex stories and realities that may or may not have anything to do with this present reality you and I find ourselves in the midst of.  What I am very excited to be doing is acknowledging how my brain has been running the show for a great deal of this journey and now I would very much like to welcome my heart and core into the mix so that there is a cohesive balance found.  This is something I embrace not as some illusory future possibility but rather as something that is wholly and completely my reality now and the fun part will be to have my inward reflection and outward projection align.

We are all divine.  We are all made of star stuff.  We are gifts unto ourselves, here to have an opportunity to realize our awesomeness.  This is an Epic (as in the actual meaning of the word not the carelessly used slang term that is so popular today) chance to shine brightly from our core as individual human beings being a glorious unified expression of divinity, love, compassion, and joy spinning together back to unity.  This life is a gift for us to see, be, and then share and equally receive.

I will be touching more on this subject when I get back to touching more of these here keyboard keys later tonight ideally.  Now though I must surrender to the present moment and day and attend to the other experiences I am choosing to participate in and do my very best to do my very best...

~Love to the Now

08 November 2012

Holy Smoke!

                                                                     (Holy Smoke!)

That terminology or expression I've used for most of my life and it literally wasn't until very recently that I was smudging a space with some sweet blessed Palo Santo (what I'm holding in the picture above) that it dawned on me that I was indeed holding and lovingly spreading 'holy smoke' around.  It made so much sense to me.  If you have yet to use or smell Palo Santo I strongly encourage you to go and get some and experience it for yourself.  Besides the fact that it smells glorious it truly is a divine and holy smoke...

So reality, or rather realistically I have a great load of words to pour out of me over the next 22 days in order to achieve the slightly ridiculous and extremely ambitious goal of writing 50,000 words digitally this month in accordance with DigiWriMo.  Do I think it impossible?  Well, think it is one thing, I believe I can do it.  I simply need to sit down here and write, write, write, right now.

What to write about?  Well, there is plenty to write about I suppose.  One topic I have yet to address is my good man Nicholas David Mrozinski doing his thing on the National Stage on a show called The Voice.  I grew up with this cat and have had the pleasure of sharing many marvelous adventures and experiences over the past 15 plus years.  It has been quite a journey for him and I am honored to see him gifting the world with his incredibly awesome voice and beyond that, his humble, grateful style of just Being that is now radiating out of televisions and on computer screens across the globe.  This is a brother of mine who has been and is on a mystical, spiritual, love filled journey for most of his life and for him to be where he is now is really wonderful for both the individual that he is and for every single person that will now through osmosis and what not receive a little bit of his blessed goodness that he has again so humbly been calling in for so long now.  I am delighted to see him gifting the world with his goodness and in so doing this receiving well deserved respect, acclaim, and recognition for his awesomeness that he so selflessly shares with us all.

Another brother of mine doing some magnificent mystical magical musical expression on bigger and bigger stages and ways world wide is Nahko Bear.  I've had the pleasure of sharing many marvelous moments with this wild and powerful being over the past 5 plus years and it has been truly remarkable to see where he has come since then.  Back then I was seeing a talented guitarist and musician and watching him perform as Nahko and Friends.  A year and a half or so later it transformed into Medicine For the People and in the grand spin of this glorious dance we're in he is now performing and would today be recognized as Nahko and Medicine for the People.  He's making waves and so is the whole Medicine Tribe.  Each of these artists are incredible in their own right and it has been a pleasure and honor to be a part of their family and community in a very intimate way these past many years.  To see the growth and the message that is shared being heard and felt all across the globe now is so wonderful.

These people are friends, they are family of mine, and as I write these words I am grateful to have shared a part of my life with these beings.  I am also extremely grateful to share this reality with all beings, human and otherwise.  For all are my friends and all are my family.  We are in this reality together doing what we're doing and it is and has been so incredibly awesome to share this existence and experience that we call life with all of you.  I pulled those two particular individuals out primarily because a piece of my attention and focus is with them now, they are both vibrating and radiating big time presently and it pleases me to see these mindful and conscious beings making big ol' waves for all to ride on that are inspiring, love filled waves that are pleasurable to surf upon.

We all have these gifts to bring out from within ourselves and share with all who care to receive them.  These gifts and blessings are yearning to be expressed and realized and it is through finding out what they are on an individual level by truly exploring the depths of our own very beings that we are able to unleash them upon this world and indeed throughout this entire universe and beyond!  We are source in an ever present and infinitely transforming experience that we call reality, this is duality's grand play back to unity that I've been having as a part of the theme of these last many writings.  These words, thoughts, and feelings are merely coming through me (as all things do) and I am simply choosing to sit here now and let my fingers type these words on to this computer screen so that any who care to shall be able to receive and integrate them into their beings.

You could, I suppose call my blog and these words an exercise in free association writing or something to that effect because sincerely, I have no particular end result I'm really striving to achieve presently.  This word, the next, and the many that will follow are just coming on out of me and you now have an opportunity to continue to read or if you so choose, you can stop too.  That's okay with me.  I'm not writing this for money, for fame, for recognition, for anything other than release and to share with you a humble individuals perspective and vision of the present, the past, the future and I suppose most importantly, the NOW.  Right now, as it were I am going to go eat a bacon cheeseburger and sweet potato fries and I imagine enjoy it so thoroughly it's not even funny.  I'll be back to write right after I get done graciously enjoying this food....

Oh my that was good.  Food, what a fantastic gift we have here to enjoy.  I can appreciate simple foods and the fact that we merely need very minimal sustenance to survive as far as fueling our bodies goes but boy oh boy do I love textures and flavors and the many marvelous varieties I've had the pleasure of eating.  I enjoy food so much.  You know, there was a time when I was a full blown vegetarian, well, more lacto-ovo than full blown though I did even go as far as to be vegan for awhile and it was quite an interesting time in my life.  For one, I limited the foods considerably that I was able to eat, by choice of course.  Having that lack of variety for the sake of being mindful for the other animals of this world was quite an interesting experiment and practice.  When I dabbled in Vegan living that was the real kicker for me as far as realizing what I was limiting myself to in variety, no cheese, very few pastries or deserts of any sort, baked goods, and so many other delicious foods were off limits.  Yes, I know, as a vegan you can get pretty clever and add apple sauce instead of dairy products in many baked goods and other crafty things like that but fuck.  I like so many foods, I mean, I like just about ALL foods.

This is an interesting topic to explore because it leads me into the concept of what's 'humane' and brings the aspect of what we as humans are doing to the other animals of this planet.  This topic is a tricky one for most people and by no means will I attempt to make any sort of foolish statement like I got this shit figured out but I will with great humility share my perspective on the matter.  Firstly, the word 'humane' is silly to me.  Humans in general do not really treat each other 'humanely', unless War, Genocide, Violence and physical abuse and the like fits in to the term 'Humane'.  I know it doesn't really but the notion that focusing on not eating the flesh or other nourishing aspects of animals (milk, eggs, honey, etc) is going to make me a better or more righteous human being no longer seems realistic to me.  And please mind you that this is not a declaration that I do not give a fuck about animals or the way the they have been treated since Monster Corporations like McDonalds and any other business that has been cutting down the rainforest's and destroying other sacred and precious parts of our world for the sake of burgers is doing something I approve of.

That simply is not the case, what I do realize is that I very much appreciate a good burger and ideally I will continue to do what I do presently in regards to this is be mindful of where it is coming from, be grateful for it being a nourishing and delicious part of my diet and consciously do everything I can to not support fast food joints and other monster businesses where they practice horrid animal farming that is largely done by machines and is so disgusting to see in person that these major corporate farms will not even let you see behind their doors.  I eat as locally as I can, purchase meats and eggs from local farmers and that goes for the fruits and vegetables I eat as well.  And before I write too much more on this subject I will just go ahead and say that I accept and acknowledge that my own hypocrisy can only go so far and that if I was going to live the most supremely righteous life that some of you may wish yourselves or me to live I realize that it simply is virtually not possible, I also would rather live the life I'm living and be grateful for it to boot.

What do I mean by my hypocrisy can only go so far?  Well, this world is made up of so many "right" and "wrongs" both from a societal standpoint and from a personal moralistic standpoint that, as I've lived these last 31 years, and especially in the last 8 or so, I have tried to live a more virtuous lifestyle in so many ways and it has not only been hard, it has down right sucked in a lot of ways too.  When I was mostly vegan and vegetarian I got so weak in certain ways that my muscles I think were sincerely degenerating.  I ate heartily of what I could, believe I got plenty of protein and fats, and what nots but I digress.  What I am really getting to is this.  I like to have rich foods sometimes.  I like to have a beer every once and awhile.  I like to have things I know are not "good" for me every once and awhile and what is different now in me particularly that wasn't present in the past is that I am not so fucking hard on myself anymore.  Sure, I am mindful of what I eat most of the time but really what I am doing now that wasn't so consistent in the past is eating balanced meals or at least if not truly balanced meals I'm not just eating rich, fatty, salty, sugary meals that are hard for my system to process.  I eat a lot of whole foods now, that didn't really happen as much years back.  I grew up on fast food in my late teens and into my early twenties.  I did.  I also drank a shit load of beer and smoked way too much pot.  I also gained some 40 extra pounds of weight in the mix and felt like shit often enough.

Since then I have done many things to alter my life so that I am more healthy and have a much more overall appreciation for life.  I weigh roughly the same as I did when I was 18 years old and I figure that is more or less my ideal body weight.  Yeah it fluctuates here and there but within reason.  As long as I am actively moving my body, getting physical exercise of some sort or another and eating more than just rich, savory and/or sweet meals all the time my body, mind, and spirit are doing well and happy with me.  And I suppose what this all does is bring me back to why I got off on this tangent about eating in the first place and being a vegetarian or vegan and all that this implies on an individual and societal level.

Basically, for me what it comes down to is I fucking love food. So much, I think a burger is arguably my favorite meal on the planet and I don't even need to apologize when I say that a veggie burger just will not cut it (forever at least), I have had some ridiculously awesome veggie burgers though I do have to admit.  And again, this brings me back to the subject/rant at hand in a way in that what I really realize about this all is that because I love food, and because I love it in so many different varieties, it does not make sense to deny myself these experiences in this lifetime.  I do not intend to be gluttonous for the sake of gluttony, that is to say, I will embrace any wild ass decadent meal that is placed before me quite graciously.  I may even go out of my way to explore some awesome culinary delight that involves fish, meat, dairy, eggs, or all of the above.  What I will also do while enjoying these things is be grateful.  I will give thanks for the lives, the labor, the love, and the intentions that went into each and all of these things and I really believe that this is of great importance.

So, gratitude, love, compassion, appreciation, respect, and a general mindfulness for what actions I am taking in this life are what I see as the most important things that I can focus my attention and intentions on while I exist in this body.  I shall be a vessel of light, a joy filled spirit on a journey of understanding and embracing just how gloriously amazingly awesome this reality is.  I am here to live in enlightenment, to be here now, to see heaven in every moment, and to cherish the gift of being alive to fullest.  This is an ever changing reality is it not?  I see the truth and feel the knowing one day, in one moment of the ever present now and then another sunrise and sunset occurs and my perspective is flipped on its ass.  What of it?

I embrace and appreciate that to be authentically real and be in the realness of this life that my perspective is going to change and change it will!  I choose to accept that the truth, like evolution, like creation itself is ever flowing and ever transforming and if I am going to be able to look at myself in the mirror in any particular present moment and see the realness right down to my core I believe it is in my best interest to embrace that I don't know shit, maybe I understand somethings in the now, maybe I "get it" on one particular subject or another but no, not really, I can with confidence declare this earth is round and that we are spinning around the sun which is the star that we happen to be spinning around while it spins around and with many other stars in our galaxy that is itself swirling and spinning around a black hole but who the fuck knows?

Maybe this too is just an illusion.

One things for certain, I am earnestly enjoying having these thoughts streaming out of my being.  I am not taking myself seriously though I am seriously taking a look at whats coming out and thinking that a) its a bit ridiculous, b) it has some profoundness to it but it really is quite ridiculous, and c) besides the fact that I above these very words I have created some of the most long winded run-on sentences ever written by these nimble fingers before, I sure as shit am enjoying the process and feeling great just letting this all out.  The funny-funny, hilarious thing I'm now thinking about is that I am going to publish this for any and all to read and if you have made it this far you too are either enjoying yourself for the nonsensical sake of enjoying yourself, or enjoying it for some other reason, or more likely than not you may even be thinking to yourself, what the fuck is he writing about and why indeed am I still reading this?

Regardless of it all, here I am and here you are.  Thank you for sharing in my expression of wonder, of my journey into the mystery.  Kernels of wisdom, nuggets of absurdity, worlds of understanding, galaxies of confusion, and universes of amaze-balls of awesomeness.  This is my declaration of magnificent ranting and raving.  This is an exploration into the recesses of my thought process, of my ability to stream line my thinking words into typed words and to see if in the process anything meaningful may come of it.  The truth is, this is the most I have written in one sitting in a long, LONG time and it feels good.  Even though at this point it is becoming a redundant revolution of realization that I am writing more nonsense than less it still feels really good.  But fuck it, I have 50,000 of these guys to put out into the universe and specifically the digital medium that by and large has taken over written word with gusto.

Isn't that something?  I remember 18 years ago or so being in school learning to type on a prehistoric computer, thinking well this is novel! "Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their country"  I got to a point where I could write that sentence like the wind blows.  Hey, look at me!  I can write 50 words a minute doing that, hooray!  Now of course, I sit here and the letters simply appear before me, there is no looking down on the keyboard, my brain and body have figured out this wild as qwerty keyboarding system and now I navigate this device better than and more efficiently than I ever could write words free hand.  And I suppose that is pretty awesome in many ways, though, since I have been writing at least 3 morning pages for a few weeks free hand every day for a couple of weeks now I do have to admit it feels real good to write with a pen and paper to.  It actually feels real good, until it doesn't anymore.  Fucking writers cramp!  Man, that shit happens quicker than before, way quicker, though as the days go on it dwindles more and more and so it is not usually happening until I'm almost finished writing which is nice. Really though, for as much as I like writing free hand, unless it is a poem and is something simple that I'd like to dedicate some real focus to for the sake of how beautiful it can look I really do prefer to "write" by typing.  Is it still technically called writing?  Is there a more accurate word for writing with my fingers like this?  Typing?  Is that really it?  Can I say, boy, I really like typing better than writing!  Or, I just typed a whole novel!  It doesn't sound as good as writing, it doesn't even feel good to read it or look at the sentences with it in them.

Okay, okay, this is going to be wrap up time for this here rant session.  I feel like I may have knocked out several hundred words here and likely toppled over the 1,000 words mark by now.  If not, my goodness gracious is this going to be a doozy getting back on top of writing 50,000 of these by the end of the month.  Ideally though, I can wake up tomorrow and do this all over again!  Maybe I'll have a bit more direction with the next one but I really can't guarantee that.  This though I can guarantee you, I love this life and I love you.  I love that even when it doesn't necessarily make sense (life that is), if we give ourselves the ability to love unconditionally we can see and receive the bountiful loving reality that we are reflecting...

04 November 2012

Creativity is the Key for we are in the process of Creation NOW

Creativity.  It's ever present, each of these words by there very nature are spawned from the creative process.

Since the beginning there was...


Creation has this deal with itself, be creative, be creativity, and be in the process of creation all the way there and back again.  Back to source that is.  Creativity is Loves vibratory frequency that allows it to see itself in all its glory.  Creativity is the divine process of unconditional love reflecting itself in every way imaginable in order to fully become actualized.

I think one of the best aspects of creativity is that it truly does have a place in everything we do in this life.  it does not have to be a grandiose process, one in which if we feel unable to be creative then we're failing ourselves.  Naw, even having a thought that we are not being creative or are stumped in the creative process takes creativity to realize.  Why?  Because creativity is ever present.  Our very thoughts, breath, heart beat and lives as a whole are the manifestation of creativity.  Creativity gives us duality so that we may bounce these dualities back and forth back to unity.

I believe if I/we own up to our powerful creativity we can live in every moment a magnificent reality.  We have an ever present opportunity to gift ourselves with Joy, with Love, with the present of the Present.  Gratitude is Creativity's companion, when creativity is being mindfully practiced our spirits cannot help but be grateful.

Creation has a polar opposite doesn't it?


Though as was addressed above, creativity is an ever present process that comes from source and source is whole and complete.  So Destruction and Creation are one and the same if we choose to see it this way.  Of course, we do happen to live in an existence where Duality is the primary focus of Reality.  So Destruction has a warm place in my heart right next to Creation.  A good healthy dose of destruction can be very beneficial.  Life and Death, Creation and Destruction, Beginning and End.  All of these dualities when taken under the microscope or projected out to the macro-scope can be appreciated as actually being very similar, or rather, it is challenging to differentiate where one begins and the other ends (hey, I just used two of these dualities as examples!).  I suppose I thought about destruction because creativity often comes out of seemingly destructive places.  What I mean to say by this is it is through breakdowns that breakthroughs often appear.  It often happens that creativity can often occur while focusing not on what we are desiring to create, but rather by releasing that bond and by doing so destroying the link that may have been the blockage in the first place so that we allow creativity to be revealed through a new and perhaps unforeseen channel.

These are merely my first thoughts for the day coming out for you to share.  I again drew upon a card for a topic to write about and was gifted with a beautiful image and lovely topic.  Creativity is a divine gift we all are born with for we resonate from the eternal source of Creation.  I shall go now, have a little coffee and enjoy this day to the fullest capacity I am capable of, I shall live in creativity, with gratitude and unconditional love for NOW.  The present is a present, this moment is a gift, and may we all shine our light and loving creativity graciously...