A Joyous Life...

~Joy on the playground today~

What a Joyous life. There are certainly great highs and lows, an undulating journey on the ebbs and tides of ever moving waves. It is in my best interest (and perhaps yours too) to be as a surfer and gracefully ride them and be present to where you're at on these continuously changing waves, also important, if you're shredding and you suddenly eat it and fall off the wave, find a way to compose yourself, get back on that board and ideally find a way to not fall off in the same way you've done before...

Well, here I am writing words. This is an exercise of sorts as I prepare to embark on a mighty journey in just over 2 days from now in which I will be writing 50,000 words over the course of November. DigiWriMo is a digital challenge in which those who participate attempt to write 50,000 words in 30 days. That is 1,666.66667 of these guys each day. The mediums in which they are written is basically anything digital, I can use this blog, facebook, twitter, instagram, text messages, and even emails if I so choose too, the key is to have them shared and available to be viewed digitally. It is going to be quite a ride. I look forward to it though, it is up to each person involved to decide what they'd like to do with the outcome of their work, whether it is anything at all other than just completing their goal is really something each participant can decide.

I am thinking of a couple options personally. Part of me would like to create a living novel with it all. Something that can be tangibly accessed more or less linearly in one platform on the web, an e-book I guess it would be. Another part of me envisions it actually making it to hard or softcover form in an actual book you can hold. This of course would be quite a process in organization and figuring out something in it that could be considered continuity and graceful form. But there in lies a fun and exciting opportunity to create something rather unique. I could see it coming together as a book format in a really neat kind of way. Imagine, a book that contains many interesting stories, thoughts, communications, and pictures and having all of them be compiled onto actual pages in a way where you are still reading one overall bigger story while following along on a journey through a life and perspective shared by me.

As I bounce on this bouncy chair and type these words it is really amazing to just be present, was just bouncing to Feel Good Inc. by the Gorillaz and now Seven Nation Army by the Whit Stripes is playing. Joy is practicing her letters behind me on a new notebook we scored in a free pile on our walk back from the park, and she is getting good may I add, she is even writing in bubble letters. She actually just asked me what she had written. That is a fun game, for she will basically accept any answer you give her even if it is way more than she has written down or if there are more letters involved than the ones she's written so it's always a fun practice in being imaginative and often really silly. She's got such an incredible imagination. I love this little girl so much, what an absolute blessing to have this remarkable Being in our world.

Just took a moment to see where I was at as far as a word count just out of curiosity, well, I (we) are looking at roughly 600 words above so yeah, uh, if this were a part of the future (that being the month of November) and I were really keeping track I'd still have to create nearly two times the amount of words. That is good though, I feel confident that I can do this. If nothing else it is going to be a great exercise in getting thoughts out of my head and stirring up the ol' kettle that we call the creative process. Oh yeah, that reminds me, I also started the Artist's Way last week so my first week of that will be done soon. For those of you who are familiar with this and for those of you are not it is something I highly recommend you check out. (note: The link I attached is actually to an online version of it I am doing the book form presently) It's funny because it actually has, among many other exercises in writing, a daily morning pages practice in which you start each day freehand writing 3 pages of, yeah you guessed it, words. So, with that thrown in the mix, the month of November is really going to be more like me writing maybe more like 60,000 words or something like that. But who's counting? (oh wait, I am ;)

I titled this blog entry 'A Joyous Life' first because I've shared a nice portion of this day with my daughter Joy and that makes this here NOW a joyous life, and well, although as I mentioned at the beginning the many highs and lows of the ever changing tides of life for the most part I really believe this existence is meant to be a joyous life, it is a grand opportunity to play and be loving, compassionate, joy-filled beings making our way through a dance of diversity back to unity...

~Mahalo yo

And here I am NOW

So... I was just having a deep and meaningful conversation with my mom and while doing so I was laying back and running my hands through my hair. When I got up after the conversation she broke out laughing and I understood why when she said, "Go look in the mirror Joe, you gotta see yourself!" I did so and there I found myself, looking at the reflection of what appeared to be a ridiculous man. Alas, that is indeed what I saw and to a great degree agree with my assessment of my reflection... I also see more. There in the reflection was this person who is confronting his life wholly and completely presently and facing what, to his awareness is the most genuine assessment of himself ever. Sure, there gleamed ridiculousness, but deeper than that, there shined an acceptance and surrender that I saw as vulnerability and power.

As I write these words I acknowledge that I have used my sense of silliness and playfulness as a mask at times. Not always but certainly often enough, if I would have taken a picture of myself a short while earlier there would have been tears in my eyes and an entirely different expression on my face... So, I'm in a space in which I'm facing all my shadows, my demons, my fears, and any and every aspect of my past being that have not served me well and in fact have negatively affected my personal journey and the lives and journeys of many others. I embrace that I am a visionary, a powerful being, and a healer in many ways. What I am now embracing and taking personal accountability for is that my vision sees that I have a fair amount of weakness to address and healing to do as well. I feel it is in my best interest to do the necessary work inside of me right NOW in order to be wholly and completely PRESENT.

My dreams and aspirations are magnificently spectacular and I believe them all to be possible, what I have lacked up till very recently is the awareness of my capability to truly achieve these things. I see some key elements that are needed, consistency, follow through, and WAY better communication are three of the most crucial ones that I am focusing on. And I just mentioned the fourth and arguably most important of all these and that is FOCUS, if I do not really FOCUS now, consistently, following through with very simple and tangible goals to focus on and follow through with and be able to communicate my dreams, visions, and aspirations clearly then I will likely find myself in the same or similar cycles I've been spinning through this entire lifetime. I see the importance in knowing me better, in understanding the day to day, moment to moment aspects of myself that really need to be improved upon if I am to truly thrive in this lifetime. I am no longer content with just surviving.

Sure, I've succeeded in the past, I've achieved some pretty amazing things, but what I have yet to do is find a system for myself that allows me to navigate through this reality consistently in a manner that can only be described as THRIVING. I'm ready for that, I've been ready for that, what I am now, that I was lacking in the past is the willingness to face the pieces of me that have held me back from this authentic awesomeness. More importantly than embracing these things that have held me back, presently, I am facing the very real truth that because of my lack of clear communication, follow through, and being able to face my fears and express myself when confronted with them has in the past lead me to bring great pain and suffering into the lives of many people on my journey... For this I am sorry. I, like I'm pretty certain everyone else does, have ways in which I can be a better, nay, be the best human being I can be.

What I am focusing my entire reality on right now is finding out exactly what these areas are that I need to address and whence I find them all, systematically go through each one of them and put into practice a consistent routine that will, through this consistent practice, integrate these past lacking aspects into the present and future me. This is my journey, this is the path I choose to walk right now. I believe I am capable of achieving all of this because I, and humanity (and indeed all of reality) deserves it. I am humble and grateful to realize that this is an extraordinary task and opportunity to be facing and I am ready. I have no expectations, no completion date set, nor do I have even a graph or other visual aid that will really be able to chart my progress and that's okay. What I am really looking forward to doing is believing what I am saying always, and to be willing to compassionately live in a mindful and present way that shall provide me and all that is with a consistent level of authentic awesomeness so that I may see this reflection everywhere... I write this from a space of openness, of giving, and of receiving.

I forgive myself for the ways I've been that have brought pain and suffering into the hearts, minds, and lives of others. I do this and prepare myself for the journey ahead (ironically I see that I will have to go back some to move forward successfully) I am now sleepy and will now lay my head and body down for rest and slumber and check in tomorrow with myself so that I may move as consciously and lovingly forward from that particular space of the ever present moment with as much grace and joy as I possibly can. ~Mahalo yo