17 October 2012

And here I am NOW

So... I was just having a deep and meaningful conversation with my mom and while doing so I was laying back and running my hands through my hair. When I got up after the conversation she broke out laughing and I understood why when she said, "Go look in the mirror Joe, you gotta see yourself!" I did so and there I found myself, looking at the reflection of what appeared to be a ridiculous man. Alas, that is indeed what I saw and to a great degree agree with my assessment of my reflection... I also see more. There in the reflection was this person who is confronting his life wholly and completely presently and facing what, to his awareness is the most genuine assessment of himself ever. Sure, there gleamed ridiculousness, but deeper than that, there shined an acceptance and surrender that I saw as vulnerability and power.

As I write these words I acknowledge that I have used my sense of silliness and playfulness as a mask at times. Not always but certainly often enough, if I would have taken a picture of myself a short while earlier there would have been tears in my eyes and an entirely different expression on my face... So, I'm in a space in which I'm facing all my shadows, my demons, my fears, and any and every aspect of my past being that have not served me well and in fact have negatively affected my personal journey and the lives and journeys of many others. I embrace that I am a visionary, a powerful being, and a healer in many ways. What I am now embracing and taking personal accountability for is that my vision sees that I have a fair amount of weakness to address and healing to do as well. I feel it is in my best interest to do the necessary work inside of me right NOW in order to be wholly and completely PRESENT.

My dreams and aspirations are magnificently spectacular and I believe them all to be possible, what I have lacked up till very recently is the awareness of my capability to truly achieve these things. I see some key elements that are needed, consistency, follow through, and WAY better communication are three of the most crucial ones that I am focusing on. And I just mentioned the fourth and arguably most important of all these and that is FOCUS, if I do not really FOCUS now, consistently, following through with very simple and tangible goals to focus on and follow through with and be able to communicate my dreams, visions, and aspirations clearly then I will likely find myself in the same or similar cycles I've been spinning through this entire lifetime. I see the importance in knowing me better, in understanding the day to day, moment to moment aspects of myself that really need to be improved upon if I am to truly thrive in this lifetime. I am no longer content with just surviving.

Sure, I've succeeded in the past, I've achieved some pretty amazing things, but what I have yet to do is find a system for myself that allows me to navigate through this reality consistently in a manner that can only be described as THRIVING. I'm ready for that, I've been ready for that, what I am now, that I was lacking in the past is the willingness to face the pieces of me that have held me back from this authentic awesomeness. More importantly than embracing these things that have held me back, presently, I am facing the very real truth that because of my lack of clear communication, follow through, and being able to face my fears and express myself when confronted with them has in the past lead me to bring great pain and suffering into the lives of many people on my journey... For this I am sorry. I, like I'm pretty certain everyone else does, have ways in which I can be a better, nay, be the best human being I can be.

What I am focusing my entire reality on right now is finding out exactly what these areas are that I need to address and whence I find them all, systematically go through each one of them and put into practice a consistent routine that will, through this consistent practice, integrate these past lacking aspects into the present and future me. This is my journey, this is the path I choose to walk right now. I believe I am capable of achieving all of this because I, and humanity (and indeed all of reality) deserves it. I am humble and grateful to realize that this is an extraordinary task and opportunity to be facing and I am ready. I have no expectations, no completion date set, nor do I have even a graph or other visual aid that will really be able to chart my progress and that's okay. What I am really looking forward to doing is believing what I am saying always, and to be willing to compassionately live in a mindful and present way that shall provide me and all that is with a consistent level of authentic awesomeness so that I may see this reflection everywhere... I write this from a space of openness, of giving, and of receiving.

I forgive myself for the ways I've been that have brought pain and suffering into the hearts, minds, and lives of others. I do this and prepare myself for the journey ahead (ironically I see that I will have to go back some to move forward successfully) I am now sleepy and will now lay my head and body down for rest and slumber and check in tomorrow with myself so that I may move as consciously and lovingly forward from that particular space of the ever present moment with as much grace and joy as I possibly can. ~Mahalo yo

1 comment:

  1. You are and will BE alright. You are a bright light so then just simply shine because you can.