Holy Smoke!

                                                                     (Holy Smoke!)

That terminology or expression I've used for most of my life and it literally wasn't until very recently that I was smudging a space with some sweet blessed Palo Santo (what I'm holding in the picture above) that it dawned on me that I was indeed holding and lovingly spreading 'holy smoke' around.  It made so much sense to me.  If you have yet to use or smell Palo Santo I strongly encourage you to go and get some and experience it for yourself.  Besides the fact that it smells glorious it truly is a divine and holy smoke...

So reality, or rather realistically I have a great load of words to pour out of me over the next 22 days in order to achieve the slightly ridiculous and extremely ambitious goal of writing 50,000 words digitally this month in accordance with DigiWriMo.  Do I think it impossible?  Well, think it is one thing, I believe I can do it.  I simply need to sit down here and write, write, write, right now.

What to write about?  Well, there is plenty to write about I suppose.  One topic I have yet to address is my good man Nicholas David Mrozinski doing his thing on the National Stage on a show called The Voice.  I grew up with this cat and have had the pleasure of sharing many marvelous adventures and experiences over the past 15 plus years.  It has been quite a journey for him and I am honored to see him gifting the world with his incredibly awesome voice and beyond that, his humble, grateful style of just Being that is now radiating out of televisions and on computer screens across the globe.  This is a brother of mine who has been and is on a mystical, spiritual, love filled journey for most of his life and for him to be where he is now is really wonderful for both the individual that he is and for every single person that will now through osmosis and what not receive a little bit of his blessed goodness that he has again so humbly been calling in for so long now.  I am delighted to see him gifting the world with his goodness and in so doing this receiving well deserved respect, acclaim, and recognition for his awesomeness that he so selflessly shares with us all.

Another brother of mine doing some magnificent mystical magical musical expression on bigger and bigger stages and ways world wide is Nahko Bear.  I've had the pleasure of sharing many marvelous moments with this wild and powerful being over the past 5 plus years and it has been truly remarkable to see where he has come since then.  Back then I was seeing a talented guitarist and musician and watching him perform as Nahko and Friends.  A year and a half or so later it transformed into Medicine For the People and in the grand spin of this glorious dance we're in he is now performing and would today be recognized as Nahko and Medicine for the People.  He's making waves and so is the whole Medicine Tribe.  Each of these artists are incredible in their own right and it has been a pleasure and honor to be a part of their family and community in a very intimate way these past many years.  To see the growth and the message that is shared being heard and felt all across the globe now is so wonderful.

These people are friends, they are family of mine, and as I write these words I am grateful to have shared a part of my life with these beings.  I am also extremely grateful to share this reality with all beings, human and otherwise.  For all are my friends and all are my family.  We are in this reality together doing what we're doing and it is and has been so incredibly awesome to share this existence and experience that we call life with all of you.  I pulled those two particular individuals out primarily because a piece of my attention and focus is with them now, they are both vibrating and radiating big time presently and it pleases me to see these mindful and conscious beings making big ol' waves for all to ride on that are inspiring, love filled waves that are pleasurable to surf upon.

We all have these gifts to bring out from within ourselves and share with all who care to receive them.  These gifts and blessings are yearning to be expressed and realized and it is through finding out what they are on an individual level by truly exploring the depths of our own very beings that we are able to unleash them upon this world and indeed throughout this entire universe and beyond!  We are source in an ever present and infinitely transforming experience that we call reality, this is duality's grand play back to unity that I've been having as a part of the theme of these last many writings.  These words, thoughts, and feelings are merely coming through me (as all things do) and I am simply choosing to sit here now and let my fingers type these words on to this computer screen so that any who care to shall be able to receive and integrate them into their beings.

You could, I suppose call my blog and these words an exercise in free association writing or something to that effect because sincerely, I have no particular end result I'm really striving to achieve presently.  This word, the next, and the many that will follow are just coming on out of me and you now have an opportunity to continue to read or if you so choose, you can stop too.  That's okay with me.  I'm not writing this for money, for fame, for recognition, for anything other than release and to share with you a humble individuals perspective and vision of the present, the past, the future and I suppose most importantly, the NOW.  Right now, as it were I am going to go eat a bacon cheeseburger and sweet potato fries and I imagine enjoy it so thoroughly it's not even funny.  I'll be back to write right after I get done graciously enjoying this food....

Oh my that was good.  Food, what a fantastic gift we have here to enjoy.  I can appreciate simple foods and the fact that we merely need very minimal sustenance to survive as far as fueling our bodies goes but boy oh boy do I love textures and flavors and the many marvelous varieties I've had the pleasure of eating.  I enjoy food so much.  You know, there was a time when I was a full blown vegetarian, well, more lacto-ovo than full blown though I did even go as far as to be vegan for awhile and it was quite an interesting time in my life.  For one, I limited the foods considerably that I was able to eat, by choice of course.  Having that lack of variety for the sake of being mindful for the other animals of this world was quite an interesting experiment and practice.  When I dabbled in Vegan living that was the real kicker for me as far as realizing what I was limiting myself to in variety, no cheese, very few pastries or deserts of any sort, baked goods, and so many other delicious foods were off limits.  Yes, I know, as a vegan you can get pretty clever and add apple sauce instead of dairy products in many baked goods and other crafty things like that but fuck.  I like so many foods, I mean, I like just about ALL foods.

This is an interesting topic to explore because it leads me into the concept of what's 'humane' and brings the aspect of what we as humans are doing to the other animals of this planet.  This topic is a tricky one for most people and by no means will I attempt to make any sort of foolish statement like I got this shit figured out but I will with great humility share my perspective on the matter.  Firstly, the word 'humane' is silly to me.  Humans in general do not really treat each other 'humanely', unless War, Genocide, Violence and physical abuse and the like fits in to the term 'Humane'.  I know it doesn't really but the notion that focusing on not eating the flesh or other nourishing aspects of animals (milk, eggs, honey, etc) is going to make me a better or more righteous human being no longer seems realistic to me.  And please mind you that this is not a declaration that I do not give a fuck about animals or the way the they have been treated since Monster Corporations like McDonalds and any other business that has been cutting down the rainforest's and destroying other sacred and precious parts of our world for the sake of burgers is doing something I approve of.

That simply is not the case, what I do realize is that I very much appreciate a good burger and ideally I will continue to do what I do presently in regards to this is be mindful of where it is coming from, be grateful for it being a nourishing and delicious part of my diet and consciously do everything I can to not support fast food joints and other monster businesses where they practice horrid animal farming that is largely done by machines and is so disgusting to see in person that these major corporate farms will not even let you see behind their doors.  I eat as locally as I can, purchase meats and eggs from local farmers and that goes for the fruits and vegetables I eat as well.  And before I write too much more on this subject I will just go ahead and say that I accept and acknowledge that my own hypocrisy can only go so far and that if I was going to live the most supremely righteous life that some of you may wish yourselves or me to live I realize that it simply is virtually not possible, I also would rather live the life I'm living and be grateful for it to boot.

What do I mean by my hypocrisy can only go so far?  Well, this world is made up of so many "right" and "wrongs" both from a societal standpoint and from a personal moralistic standpoint that, as I've lived these last 31 years, and especially in the last 8 or so, I have tried to live a more virtuous lifestyle in so many ways and it has not only been hard, it has down right sucked in a lot of ways too.  When I was mostly vegan and vegetarian I got so weak in certain ways that my muscles I think were sincerely degenerating.  I ate heartily of what I could, believe I got plenty of protein and fats, and what nots but I digress.  What I am really getting to is this.  I like to have rich foods sometimes.  I like to have a beer every once and awhile.  I like to have things I know are not "good" for me every once and awhile and what is different now in me particularly that wasn't present in the past is that I am not so fucking hard on myself anymore.  Sure, I am mindful of what I eat most of the time but really what I am doing now that wasn't so consistent in the past is eating balanced meals or at least if not truly balanced meals I'm not just eating rich, fatty, salty, sugary meals that are hard for my system to process.  I eat a lot of whole foods now, that didn't really happen as much years back.  I grew up on fast food in my late teens and into my early twenties.  I did.  I also drank a shit load of beer and smoked way too much pot.  I also gained some 40 extra pounds of weight in the mix and felt like shit often enough.

Since then I have done many things to alter my life so that I am more healthy and have a much more overall appreciation for life.  I weigh roughly the same as I did when I was 18 years old and I figure that is more or less my ideal body weight.  Yeah it fluctuates here and there but within reason.  As long as I am actively moving my body, getting physical exercise of some sort or another and eating more than just rich, savory and/or sweet meals all the time my body, mind, and spirit are doing well and happy with me.  And I suppose what this all does is bring me back to why I got off on this tangent about eating in the first place and being a vegetarian or vegan and all that this implies on an individual and societal level.

Basically, for me what it comes down to is I fucking love food. So much, I think a burger is arguably my favorite meal on the planet and I don't even need to apologize when I say that a veggie burger just will not cut it (forever at least), I have had some ridiculously awesome veggie burgers though I do have to admit.  And again, this brings me back to the subject/rant at hand in a way in that what I really realize about this all is that because I love food, and because I love it in so many different varieties, it does not make sense to deny myself these experiences in this lifetime.  I do not intend to be gluttonous for the sake of gluttony, that is to say, I will embrace any wild ass decadent meal that is placed before me quite graciously.  I may even go out of my way to explore some awesome culinary delight that involves fish, meat, dairy, eggs, or all of the above.  What I will also do while enjoying these things is be grateful.  I will give thanks for the lives, the labor, the love, and the intentions that went into each and all of these things and I really believe that this is of great importance.

So, gratitude, love, compassion, appreciation, respect, and a general mindfulness for what actions I am taking in this life are what I see as the most important things that I can focus my attention and intentions on while I exist in this body.  I shall be a vessel of light, a joy filled spirit on a journey of understanding and embracing just how gloriously amazingly awesome this reality is.  I am here to live in enlightenment, to be here now, to see heaven in every moment, and to cherish the gift of being alive to fullest.  This is an ever changing reality is it not?  I see the truth and feel the knowing one day, in one moment of the ever present now and then another sunrise and sunset occurs and my perspective is flipped on its ass.  What of it?

I embrace and appreciate that to be authentically real and be in the realness of this life that my perspective is going to change and change it will!  I choose to accept that the truth, like evolution, like creation itself is ever flowing and ever transforming and if I am going to be able to look at myself in the mirror in any particular present moment and see the realness right down to my core I believe it is in my best interest to embrace that I don't know shit, maybe I understand somethings in the now, maybe I "get it" on one particular subject or another but no, not really, I can with confidence declare this earth is round and that we are spinning around the sun which is the star that we happen to be spinning around while it spins around and with many other stars in our galaxy that is itself swirling and spinning around a black hole but who the fuck knows?

Maybe this too is just an illusion.

One things for certain, I am earnestly enjoying having these thoughts streaming out of my being.  I am not taking myself seriously though I am seriously taking a look at whats coming out and thinking that a) its a bit ridiculous, b) it has some profoundness to it but it really is quite ridiculous, and c) besides the fact that I above these very words I have created some of the most long winded run-on sentences ever written by these nimble fingers before, I sure as shit am enjoying the process and feeling great just letting this all out.  The funny-funny, hilarious thing I'm now thinking about is that I am going to publish this for any and all to read and if you have made it this far you too are either enjoying yourself for the nonsensical sake of enjoying yourself, or enjoying it for some other reason, or more likely than not you may even be thinking to yourself, what the fuck is he writing about and why indeed am I still reading this?

Regardless of it all, here I am and here you are.  Thank you for sharing in my expression of wonder, of my journey into the mystery.  Kernels of wisdom, nuggets of absurdity, worlds of understanding, galaxies of confusion, and universes of amaze-balls of awesomeness.  This is my declaration of magnificent ranting and raving.  This is an exploration into the recesses of my thought process, of my ability to stream line my thinking words into typed words and to see if in the process anything meaningful may come of it.  The truth is, this is the most I have written in one sitting in a long, LONG time and it feels good.  Even though at this point it is becoming a redundant revolution of realization that I am writing more nonsense than less it still feels really good.  But fuck it, I have 50,000 of these guys to put out into the universe and specifically the digital medium that by and large has taken over written word with gusto.

Isn't that something?  I remember 18 years ago or so being in school learning to type on a prehistoric computer, thinking well this is novel! "Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their country"  I got to a point where I could write that sentence like the wind blows.  Hey, look at me!  I can write 50 words a minute doing that, hooray!  Now of course, I sit here and the letters simply appear before me, there is no looking down on the keyboard, my brain and body have figured out this wild as qwerty keyboarding system and now I navigate this device better than and more efficiently than I ever could write words free hand.  And I suppose that is pretty awesome in many ways, though, since I have been writing at least 3 morning pages for a few weeks free hand every day for a couple of weeks now I do have to admit it feels real good to write with a pen and paper to.  It actually feels real good, until it doesn't anymore.  Fucking writers cramp!  Man, that shit happens quicker than before, way quicker, though as the days go on it dwindles more and more and so it is not usually happening until I'm almost finished writing which is nice. Really though, for as much as I like writing free hand, unless it is a poem and is something simple that I'd like to dedicate some real focus to for the sake of how beautiful it can look I really do prefer to "write" by typing.  Is it still technically called writing?  Is there a more accurate word for writing with my fingers like this?  Typing?  Is that really it?  Can I say, boy, I really like typing better than writing!  Or, I just typed a whole novel!  It doesn't sound as good as writing, it doesn't even feel good to read it or look at the sentences with it in them.

Okay, okay, this is going to be wrap up time for this here rant session.  I feel like I may have knocked out several hundred words here and likely toppled over the 1,000 words mark by now.  If not, my goodness gracious is this going to be a doozy getting back on top of writing 50,000 of these by the end of the month.  Ideally though, I can wake up tomorrow and do this all over again!  Maybe I'll have a bit more direction with the next one but I really can't guarantee that.  This though I can guarantee you, I love this life and I love you.  I love that even when it doesn't necessarily make sense (life that is), if we give ourselves the ability to love unconditionally we can see and receive the bountiful loving reality that we are reflecting...