Where does reality live? Better yet, what is this thing called "Reality" I've been reading about, hearing about, and wondering about my whole life? There are few things I'm certain exist, Vibrations, Frequencies, and well Love I guess is all I can be certain of. And really, those things all are spawned from the same source and technically could mean the same exact thing. I mean, there's light, there's sound, and, and, and...
Love.
My heart has never hurt like it has today. Have you ever been there? I mean really, truly been there? There is an actual pain unlike any physical pain I've ever experienced in this life, why is it here and what does it mean? Okay, okay, I know why it is here but what is it trying to tell me? I suppose it isn't necessarily trying to "tell" me anything, it's simply letting me know I sure as shit am feeling something deeper in my heart space then I've ever felt before and for what its worth I am really curious to investigate that right now. So, a journey into the darkness of my heart, where light has either been pushed away or maybe even mysteriously been hidden away from this place for a long time. I'm deciding in this moment not to look back on these words and rather just let them pour out of me as stream of consciousness as they can be. After all, this is an investigation is it not? A journey to uncover some explanations if not answers, a discovery of my souls process and what it looks like to be a realized Being on a cosmic journey through a divine vessel called this here human body...
I wonder if when I'm done writing this it will, or rather I will push that Publish button up on the top and share this with anyone who cares to read it. I wonder...
Either way the universe is getting the show because these thoughts are happening and these words are baring witness to that deed. So, indeed, I find myself here on an expedition into my heart, into love, into what these fancy words I've gotten so comfortable using mean, like compassion, gratitude, truth, honor, respect, and so on. I'm uber curious to know where the bullshit ends and the substance begins, or rather, what is the difference (if there is one at all)? A question mark ? The most interesting symbol in the english written language if you ask me. It is pretty, nay, it is beautiful, the curvature of it, the emptiness between it and that little dot beneath it. Yep, I like the question mark, almost as much as I like to question. I think questioning is healthy and knowing is tricky business. I think primarily with my brain but do I act and exist from this "thinking" space? It helps me formulate these words, this thinking action but is it running the show? Am I? And what fucking show am I talking about anyways?
Am I here as a spectator presently reviewing my and our existence or am I a player in this game we call life? I suppose both really, and I just called it a game which is interesting because it doesn't always seem like its a game to be played but often times it does. I mean, when I take a sincerely deep look at myself there is just this guy living a life, a human being, a man who has lived on this planet for 31 years and done and seen many things. Many things have happened to this man named Joe who also has gone by Joseph, Joey and even to some Mahalo. This being, this entity is finding himself in the midst of some pretty incredible shit right now, and I don't mean poop, what I mean by "shit" is important, high magnitudes of order experiences of great importance, a place in space where a few concise actions are going to alter the course of his humble tiny life on this planet and then through the natural order and flow of life, it's going to go ahead and effect every other being in existence as well. So, you know, not like really heavy shit going on, just your every day run of the mill shit...
For real though, I believe many things, often changing what I believe even from minute to minute sometimes. One thing I believe earnestly though is that our actions have consequences, that is the universal law I grasp at least on the base level of what it implies happening. That is to say, I understand and respect that everything I or you or anything ever does, and I mean EVERYTHING has a consequence. I can sit here and pretend like thats some profound realization, or perhaps even get lost in the wonder of what this all means. That actually is kinda what I'm up to. May my investigation into consequences lead me to insights on actions...
I'm curious to know how long I can write and ramble on without addressing any particular one subject and still yet come to one if not many conclusions. I have a gift, you have a gift, we all have a gift. Our gift is ours to share and no one else can share it for us. We each have this unique gift that is just patiently waiting to be shared and amazingly, many people may go their whole lives without sharing their gift. Why? Why does this occur? What proof is there that we all have this unique gift? Well, this amazing fellow Michael Meade helped me remember some of this in his lecture I attended yesterday as a matter of fact. I think I'm going to pause here shortly and add a little hyper link to his name because I am so impressed by what he had to share, HE knows what his gift is and he generously shares it.
So, ranting about this gift. What is it and where do we find it? To my best knowledge and understanding it will not be found anywhere other than deep within ourselves. Its that quiet, and often not so quiet yearning inside of us to do the things we love doing the most. Whatever that is, we each have a vibration, a frequency, a resonance that is just itching to be heard, felt, and experienced by everyone. It really is though, patiently waiting to be acknowledged and prepared to lay dormant within us if we do not care to unleash it. And why would we care not to unleash it? Fear and Failure I suppose. Fear in all its glory and all its subtlety. We can fear things easily because there is plenty to fear. Fear is basically everything we ever had any degree of uncertainty about and that basically includes everything. I feel like the trick to addressing fear and overcoming the many aspects of it that may hinder us from sharing our gift is to accept that there is something we fear, get specific with it, stare it in the face, and then figure out what in the hell it is about what were facing and why we seem to believe it is greater than us. In a moment, in a flash, we can take an authoritative stance within the darkness, flush out whatever may be holding us back, and go ahead and shine our light from that space.
What this practice can do is illuminate our journey, sure, sometimes even our own light is virtually non-existent but that's okay too. Often the dark is just as awesome and incredible as the light as long as we are willing to approach and experience it from a place and space of non-judgement, compassion, ultimate forgiveness, and unconditional love. With all those accounted for I think you can agree what you'll end up finding more times than not that whatever you were fearing has no real power over you and not only that, through practicing all of these aspects of what it is to be a human animal in todays age we can see often how silly it was to have that fear of whatever it was in the first place.
Well, here I am acknowledging that my writing for the time being is coming to an end. My imagination, contemplation, integration, and all that good stuff is happening right now so that's pretty awesome. There's so much going on micro, macro, and well, here we go yo. I flow with surrender into the unknown...
(note: this was actually written yesterday night and I didn't end up publishing it but I did leave it up and so... it's a day old but not too late to share!)
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